Don’t Feel Guilty About Getting Sleep

In today’s fast-paced world, there are people who consider it a badge of honor if they clock in only a few of hours of sleep at night. Fetal physiology expert Alice Callahan says that this mindset is anchored on the idea that sleep is wasted time, as the hours could have been used for other productive tasks. Parents, especially new ones, make up a significant portion of this category.

Fit Pregnancy reports that nearly half of parents with children six months and younger only get 1 to 3 hours of sleep per night, which is significantly lower than the minimum requirement for adults. Besides responding to their LO’s needs, mums and dads may use the time that they have to do other things, including household chores.

(Image credit: Flickr)

Albeit dedication to family is certainly admirable, the habit of sleeping less than 7 hours nightly can greatly compromise health. Over time, continued sleep deprivation can lead to serious issues like Postpartum Depression. Not getting proper rest can also affect your ability to focus and slow down response time, making you more prone to accidents. A sleep deprived person tends to be grumpier as well, and likely to give in to the effects of stress.

With that said, what can you do to sleep better as a new parent? Here are some suggestions which worked for a lot of parents:

Talk it out. The stresses of parenting make it harder for mums and dads to get some sleep. A previous post here on Sarah Beeson MBE praised parents who are honest about the challenges they are facing. Share your troubles and seek advice on best solutions for your family if you want to.
De-stress. If talk therapy isn’t for you, try to find some other avenues that can relieve your stress. For instance, you can try doing yoga, or at least simple breathing exercises that can calm your body and mind before bedtime.
Stop looking at the clock. Checking the clock often when trying to sleep might make you feel anxious. It can give you the impression that a lot of time already passed, but you still haven’t been able to sleep. This is especially true when you realise how late it is already.
Avoid having screen time before you go to bed. The light emitted by screens, whether from gadgets or TV, may also keep you up, as Leesa points out that it can cause your brain to maintain a state of alertness. In lieu of watching a show or using your phone, you can instead try doing a quiet activity, such as reading, which helps us to nod of calmly.
Be kind to yourself. Parents are not superheroes, and they are not expected to be. Be forgiving of yourself and learn to let go of things that are beyond your control. Also, don’t compare yourself to other parents who seem to thrive even with just a few hours of sleep. Each person is different, and what may work for them may not necessarily be the case for you. Parenting is tough enough without you beating yourself about it.

While this phase of your life seems daunting, take heart in the fact that your baby’s sleepless nights will end eventually. Until then, be kind to yourself and get some rest. Doing so will not only allow you to take care of your own needs, you will also be better equipped to take care of your LO.

(Image credits: Flickr)

7 Baby Sleep Tips To Try

How much should my baby be sleeping? The truth is all babies vary in the amount of sleep they need and their sleeping patterns. Some days (weeks, months…) are easier then others and I know it can be especially hard when you’re desperate for a little shut-eye yourself.

Mums and dads will often have slightly different methods of getting the baby off to sleep, and having a variety of techniques up your sleeve certainly comes in handy. Here are seven sleep tricks that have worked for me and some of the thousands of parents I’ve had the pleasure of supporting over the years. (The days of the week is just for fun, you’ll find what works for you).

1. Help your baby relax with gentle, rhythmic shushing sounds which is like the blood circulating in the womb. Try this for a minute or two until your baby is calm.

2. Some babies like gentle stroking. This rhythmic motion and the warmth of your touch can be very soothing and help your baby get off to sleep. Got that? If not here’s a demonstration…

Repeat the stroking for a few minutes until the motion causes their eyes to close.

3. The motion and the closeness can help your baby relax and drift off to sleep. Repeat at least ten times, dropping your shoulders down and away from your ears, closing your eyes if you want to. As your body begins to relax so will your baby.

4. Your gentle touch can reassure your baby that you’re still near them. You can gently rock them to sleep or sit quietly with your baby until they drift off into a peaceful sleep.

5. If your baby is restless your touch and closeness may help calm them. Got that? If not here’s a demonstration…

Take deep breaths in and out and sit with your baby for a few minutes until they settle.

6. It’s a good habit to put your baby down to sleep most of the time but many parents find their baby wakes when they do. Waiting until your baby is in a deeper sleep and you’re relaxed and calm helps make the transfer smoother.

7. Songs and tunes your baby recognise from life in the womb can work wonders on some babies. I remember when the Australian soap opera Neighbours was popular lunch-time and tea-time viewing. Pregnant women would often put their feet up and relax to enjoy the show. I found there was a whole generation of infants who stopped crying when they heard the Neighbours theme song as a time associated with relaxation and calm from their days in the womb.

Some techniques will work for you and some won’t; it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong – every baby is different. With patience and perserverance you’ll find the right way for your baby to drift off to the land of nod a little easier.

You can read my chapter on sleep in Happy Baby, Happy Family and read about a few mums who were kept up all night (one by spooky goings on) in my book Our Country Nurse. Sarah Beeson MBE.

Using gentle touch and sound to help your baby sleep

Sarah Beeson MBE parenting author and health visitor was happy to give some baby expert tips for The Pink Lining Papers on how mums and dads can help their Little One get calmly off to sleep.

And so to bed…

By Sarah Beeson MBE Author & Health Visitor

Getting the right amount of nap time and milk during the day is part of the secret to a good night’s sleep. Frequent feeding during the day often means your Little One will wake less frequently in the night. It is normal for a newborn baby to wake to feed in the night because they don’t have a concept of night and day, only the inner clock that demands feeding.

The right amount of sleep varies from baby to baby but they all need a good night’s sleep and restful naptimes which you can facilitate. Sleep is important because your baby is growing whilst they slumber – it is their time to rest and recuperate and is vital for development, so your baby can reach their optimum growth.

Music
Babies respond positively to calm and harmonious voices that they recognise from life in the womb. Your voice is familiar and relaxing and gentle tunes will make your Little One to feel safe and secure, helping them to drift off into a peaceful sleep.

Singing a lullaby or playing gentle music can really work wonders on some babies. You’ll soon learn what your baby likes to hear, and if you sang and played music a lot while you were pregnant it’s quite likely they’ll like those tunes best of all.

I remember when Neighbours was at the height of its popularity. Pregnant women would often put their feet up and relax to enjoy the show. I found there was a whole generation of infants who stopped crying and nodded off when they heard the Neighbours theme song.

Shush, shush, shush
Making gentle, rhythmic shushing sounds will often help babies to relax. It stimulates the noises of blood circulating heard in the womb. From gently behind the ear, not into the ear, make low-level rhythmic shushing noises for a couple of minutes to calm your Little One.

Stroking their forehead and temple of the back of the head
Some babies like gentle stroking to their head. This rhythmic motion and the warmth of your touch can be very soothing and help them get off to sleep.

There is no one way to put your baby to bed. Trust your instincts and do what fees right. Most parents instinctively combine a number of techniques that reassure and soothe their Little One – you are the expert on your own baby.

For more information
For more advice on all things baby and lots of advice on sleep including Sarah’s instant baby calming the Up-Down Technique read Happy Baby, Happy Family: Learning to trust yourself and enjoy your baby by Sarah Beeson MBE it’s Prima Baby book of the month. (Published by Harper Thorsons in paperback, ebook and audio book).

If you’ve got a question about your LO check out Ask Sarah or get in touch.

Sarah Beeson is a health visitor and author of Happy Baby, Happy Family. She writes with her daughter Mumpreneur and writer Amy Beeson. Sarah’s memoir of training to be a nurse in 1970s London The New Arrival is a heartwarming true story published by HarperCollins.

Baby expert Sarah Beeson answers mums sleep questions in Mother & Baby magazine

Your sleep problems solved by Sarah a trained nurse, health visitor and author of The New Arrival: heartwarming true story of a trainee nurse in in 1970s London and Happy Baby, Happy Family: Learning to trust yourself and enjoy your baby.

If you’ve got a concern or a question about your Little One why not #AskSarah to help you find the answer.

Q: What should I dress my three-month old baby in for bed now that it gets cold during the night?

Q: It’s so dark in the mornings that I struggle to get my 15-month-old up in time to get to nursery. What can I do to change this?

Q: I breastfeed my baby before bed, but then she doesn’t want to go in her cot. Help!

Q: Is a cot bed too big for a newborn to sleep in?

Q: Can I leave a bottle in my 15-month-old cot for her to drink during the night?

Q: Should I used a bed guard when my toddler moves out of her cot?

Is your LO a good sleeper?

What does the trick when it’s time for your LO to go sleepy-bye-byes? Tweet @NewArrivalBook or drop us a line on Facebook. We’d love to hear from you and get a #BabySnap or two of your precious bundle.

#AskSarah Should my 3-4 year old still be having a nap? How can I get them to bed earlier?

This week’s #AskSarah question comes from Rachael @MushroomsMum otherwise known as @ReallyRachaelB who is mum to 3-year-old Mushroom, and a freelance writer, poet and personal coach over at Writing People Poetry. Catch up with her life as working London mum on Mothering Mushroom.

@MushroomsMum Rachael Blair

Rachael’s #AskSarah question is; “Mushroom bedtime is between 7 -8pm but he is rarely asleep before 9/9.30pm, by which time he’s exhausted. I tried cutting out his nap on days he wakes up later but he is just exhausted by 3pm and falls asleep wherever he is and then doesn’t go to bed till 10pm. When it came to sleep ‘training’ I quickly knew that it wasn’t right for us but on naps and whether to reduce them/cut them out I’m not so sure?”

Rachael to nap or not to nap is a very good question. Mums know best about their child’s needs and naps can be tricky. If you’re happy to have a familiar pattern to your day but feel confident to go with the flow – do it. It’s understandable to want to get Little One’s to bed earlier on a weeknight and you can still be a bit more flexible on the weekend if you want to. There are times to be calm but firm and other times when you know they are having an off-day and can let yourself be a tad more indulgent – we all have those days whatever our age!

If you feel he still needs his nap then go with your instinct; it shows how much you are in tune with him that you respect his needs and put him first. Your Little One still has a lot of growing to do and it does sound like he still needs a sleep after lunch and ideally the earlier the better but things will be variable and that’s completely normal.

The afternoon nap

Lunch for this age group usually falls anytime from 11.30am – 1pm followed by a nap between 12.30 – 1.30pm. It’s fine for him to nap for up to two hours but encourage him to wake up by about 3.30pm at the latest if you want to get him to bed by 8pm. Turn back his covers or take off warm clothing so the cool air gets to his skin, or turn on his favourite TV show, chat to him positively as he naturally comes to. Small children often take anywhere between 5 – 20 minutes to come to after their afternoon nap in contrast to the morning where they so often seem to wake up with plenty of bounce.

Don’t beat yourself up if the day doesn’t go your way and it takes you until 2pm to get him off to sleep or he doesn’t nap at all. It might just be that he doesn’t need a nap that day and you may want to put him to bed early. Try to avoid trips out in the car or buggy when you’ve passed the nap window in case he nods off. If he does fall asleep for a very late afternon nap despite your best efforts then he must need it, it does happen every now and then, especially if he’s been unwell or things haven’t been how they normally are.

Influencing an earlier, shorter bedtime

Food, drink, exercise and rituals play a vital role in sleep and general behaviour patterns. What children eat and drink is very tied up with being able to let go and naturally drift off to sleep. Good nutrition and sleep go hand in hand.

In a recent #AskSarah about dropping the last feed I outlined a toddler bedtime routine and toddler diet plan; which would also be suitable for your Little One. So let’s just check off the list some of the things that will help get him to sleep a bit earlier.

1. Diet

Give him three little meals a day plus a healthy morning and afternoon snack and a milky supper before bed and maybe a milky drink with his bedtime story. He should be having about a pint of milk a day (including products like yogurt and cheese as part of his daily intake).

Avoid chocolate, sweets especially coloured ones (though a few white chocolate buttons or an apple cereal bar for an occasional sweet treat is fine). Cut out sugary foods in the late afternoon and evening as the sugar rush can keep them awake. Some children’s behaviour is badly affected by artificial colours. Sweetners in sugar-free and low sugar squashes make them permanently thirsty and feel full even when they have an empty stomach.

2. Exercise

A big factor in nap time and bedtime is exercise. They really do need to run their little legs off, whether it’s a trip to the park, going for a walk, dancing around, running about at nursery or a trip to a museum. Fresh air every day is a recipe for sweet dreams and if you can do an activity in the morning and the afternoon it usually pays dividends.

2. Calm Down

Turn off TV, put away phones, tablets and games at least 1/2 hour before bedtime. Set the scene by turning off bright lights. You can switch on the radio if you want some gentle background noise but nothing too energetic. Children like the security of bedtime rituals and soon pick up cues and patterns, every family has their own way of doing things.

3. Bedtime Rituals

A typical bedtime routine can be…

– TV and devices off (iPhones, iPads etc put away)

– Lights turned down low

– Milky supper

– Bath time

– Into bed with a story

– Nursery rhymes or prayers

– Kisses goodnight

If your child doesn’t want you to leave straight away you could sit in the room for 5 minutes in a dark corner preferably slightly out of sight. Then say you’ll check back in 5 minutes and leave him to drift off.

From supper-time to the last kiss goodnight, try to get your bedtime routine down to an hour or less. Establishing a bit of a ritual for going to bed helps your Little One feel secure and accept that it’s now time to start calming down and go to sleep. When he is relaxed and contented sleep will come more easily.

Final thought

Lots of luck Rachael. Getting your Little One to bed a bit earlier will give you all a bit of relaxation time. There will always be the odd few days when things don’t go according to plan. As he approaches school age he will probably start to drop his nap but for now you’re listening to your child and he will lead the way.

What did you think of this week’s #AskSarah? Did you like it? Yes, then please do share it with your friends and subscribe for updates on mums, babies, books and stories and send us a tweet @NewArrivalBook or join us on Facebook.

If you’ve got a question you’d like to ask then go to the #AskSarah page and drop us a line. Trust yourself and enjoy your baby, you are the expert on your own child.

Over four decades as a nurse and a health visitor Sarah Beeson’s career has been shaped by the needs of children. Since her earliest days on the wards of Hackney Hospital she has stood up for her patients as shown in The New Arrival her heartwarming true story of training to be a nurse in 1970s London.

Her expertise and innovation have been recognised with the MBE from the Queen for services to children and families, and her health prevention work received the Queen’s Nursing Institute Award but she’s happiest listening to mums talking about their baby.

Sarah firmly believes that this generation of parents is the best there has ever been. Her new parenting book Happy Baby, Happy Family: Learning to trust yourself and enjoy your baby is the culmination of a life time’s experience watching, listening and being part of thousands of families’ journeys from birth to their Little One’s first birthday and will be published by HarperCollins in Spring 2015.

Sarah second memoir about being a newly qualified health visiting in rural Kent in 1970s She’s Arrived! will be published by HarperCollins in March 2016.