Why do women have strange dreams during pregnancy?

Author Sarah Beeson author and former health visitor answers real mums questions in Mother & Baby.

Q: Since getting pregnant I’ve been having really vivid dreams and nightmares. Is this normal?

Sarah Beeson photo credit The Mango Lab

It’s not unusual to experience vivid dreams and nightmares in pregnancy so you are not alone. Put your mind at rest this is normal. Your dreams are no indication of what will happen in the future. They are your brain working through your thoughts and feelings.

Your dreams may be connected to your emotions around the big change in your life and your feelings about birth and having a new baby. It doesn’t mean you don’t want your baby and aren’t enjoying pregnancy or looking forward to when your Little One arrives.

Many women feel scared and sometimes overwhelmed about pregnancy, labour and giving birth and worry about what will happen. Your hormones are running riot, and that can increase sensitivity. Nature designs women to be more alert to potential dangers to yourself and your baby.

Sleep patterns often change during pregnancy and you may find you’re more wakeful and have broken sleep due to discomfort or needing to use the loo. This means you may be you waking up more frequently during the night, and as we remember the dreams we have just before awaking, pregnant women are more aware of their dreams.

If you’d like to reduce these dreams you could try:

1. Not watching TV or using devices just before bed so you’re mind isn’t overly stimulated
2. Trying to avoid watching upsetting stories on TV, or reading them in the news or on social media as you may be more sensitive than usual
3. Having a warm bath or shower and giving yourself a bit of pampering so you feel calm and relaxed at bedtime
4. Having a milky drink and a piece of toast or some cereal for a late supper to help induce more peaceful slumber
5. Not drinking caffeine drinks like tea, coffee and hot chocolate
6. Doing some relaxation, mediation, or listening to soothing music before you go to sleep

Women often find that the soothing music they listened to in pregnancy has a calming effect on their baby. So picking a favourite calming tune could have benefits now and in the future.

Sarah Beeson’s MBE is a former health visitor and author of parenting guide Happy Baby, Happy Family and health visiting memoir Our Country Nurse published by HarperCollins available in paperback, eBook and audiobook.

What to NOT say to pregnant women in an antenatal class on BBC 5 Live #mumtobe

Listen on BBC Radio Player from 0:40:36 minutes.

Last week Author of Sarah Beeson MBE talked to Emma Barnett about pregnancy. This week her daughter and Co-Author Amy Beeson was interviewed for the show about her memories of antenatal classes and in particular how dads-to-be were in the classes.

Listen on BBC Radio Player from 0:40:36 minutes.

Interview Transcript

EMMA BARNETT: Over the next few week’s we’re looking at the different aspects of pregnancy…This week we’re shining a light on the partner of the person giving birth usually a man…Here’s Amy, describing her antenatal class.

AMY BEESON: I remember the most difficult thing was some of the men in the group were quite dominant. Some men were lovely and supportive and caring, some women didn’t have partners, they were there on their own or with a friend. But there were some women who had really overbearing husbands.

One woman’s husband got deeply into wanting to have a discussion about what the state of his wife’s vagina was going to be, and would there be cutting during the birth. He got really horrific and started recounting tales he’d heard from other men about this and actually made one women in the group cry. Me and another girl had to say to the midwife, ‘I really think you need to stop this. We’re supposed to be here to get helpful information for giving birth not scaring the life out of us.’ And, also, shouldn’t the focus be on us? She said ‘Well, it’s really important. He’s got his worries and his concerns.’ And yes does, but I think you have to choose the time and place.

And the time and the place was when they did separate us with women in one room and men in the other room. My husband told me all the men went, ‘I am so scared. I just don’t know what’s going to happen.’ ‘I need to get a promotion. I need to earn more money.’ Which I think would have been a good time to maybe ask those scary questions there.

All the women just moaned about their partners. Had a real laugh about it. Not that you don’t care about your partner, I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else there, other than my husband (I did have my mum, but she’s a health visitor so she was quite helpful). It was a chance to have a laugh and talk about the situation that you’re in when you’re very near to giving birth and you’re the size of a house and have to pee every five minutes. It was nice to have that sort of camaraderie.

Photo credit © The Mango Lab

Amy Beeson runs Wordsby Communications and has a successful writing partnership with her mum Sarah Beeson MBE. Their new book Our Country Nurse is set in a country village in 1975 and is bursting with stories of mums journeys during pregnancy and motherhood. They’re also written nursing memoir The New Arrival and first year parenting guide Happy Baby, Happy Family. Amy is currently writing her first solo novel set in Wartime Staffordshire while Sarah pens advice for new parents on baby sleep or the lack of it!

What do pregnant women really want to talk about? #pregnancy #BBC5Live #mumtobe #EmmaBarnettShow #pregnancyproblems

Author Sarah Beeson MBE joins Presenter Emma Barnett and Poet Hollie McNish to talk sickness, sex and haemorrhoids – that’s right pregnancy on BBC Radio 5 Live. The frank, funny and sometimes sickening side of pregnancy.

Listen again to this light-hearted discussion of pregnancy with listener stories, poetry from Hollie McNish on the Emma Barnett Show on BBC Radio 5 Live from 44 minutes.

Perfect book for new parents

When health visitor Sarah Beeson’s pregnant daughter asked her to put pen to paper on caring for her new baby she didn’t know it would result into a parenting book full of secrets from four decades of working with families. The result was Happy Baby, Happy Family.

‘Best new pregnancy books… Extensive guide to trusting yourself and understanding your baby.’ Gurgle

‘Answers to key baby-raising questions while sensibly explaining that no one parenting style fits all. A great read to boost your new parent confidence.’ Prima Baby book of the month

Pregnancy Interview

Listen to Sarah from 51 minutes on BBC Radio 5 Live.

EMMA BARNETT: What do you think doesn’t get talked about Sarah in terms of physical and emotional aspect?

SARAH BEESON: I think there’s lots of things and we always go on about hormones, but actually, some of your speakers have brought that in and it’s so true. The hormones that are being released into your body in early pregnancy and all through pregnancy are responsible for a lot things; whether it’s raised libido in a very small percentage or feeling don’t touch me, don’t come near me in other people. There’s what doctors call minor illnesses or complications in pregnancy but they don’t feel very minor when you’ve got them. When you’ve got haemorrhoids or constipation, itching or restless legs. Back ache and pelvis pain that Hollie’s referred to is also a hormone thing where cartilage has soften a bit for an easier a birth but it can cause back ache and pelvic pain. Yes, there’s a lot of different variations on people’s pregnancies and you don’t really know what will affect you or have a say, which is really difficult.

EMMA BARNETT: You don’t see those posters Hollie was talking about that say you will get haemorrhoids, you will get itchy belly as it stretches – those sides aren’t advertised.

SARAH BEESON: No they’re not. Is it a conspiracy? Do people not want to put pregnant women off being pregnant?

HOLLIE MCNISH: You can’t sell anything if you put that.

EMMA BARNETT: You could sell haemorrhoid cream.

SARAH BEESON: Yes, haemorrhoid cream, constipation treatment.

EMMA BARNETT: I didn’t think it was going to go in this direction so quickly but I’m thrilled that it has. Sarah, do you feel there’s also a guilt for women saying I absolutely hate being pregnant?

SARAH BEESON: Society has this view doesn’t it? This wonderful glowing view of pregnancy and in reality if you’re being sick, it doesn’t feel so great. I remember being terribly sick myself. A great friend of mine came to my house and she was expecting her first. She knocked on the door and shouted to me to get a bag and was sick into it before we even said hello. She used all the bags in the car on the way and she needed quite a lot more. Nobody says to you get your sick bags ready, or think about putting your legs up. It wouldn’t be very encouraging! But, interestingly the lady who said she had a terrible time but now she’s thinking was it so terrible? Do I want another one? Again, nature takes over. There are two main urges in human being, which is the will to live and sex. Pregnancy has got that in abundance.

EMMA BARNETT: Talking about power of hormones. Sarah do you think enough is said about how you brain might feel?

SARAH BEESON: Probably not. I think what Hollie’s saying put it in a nutshell. You’re bombarded with all these ideas about what you should and shouldn’t do. And because many of us feel more anxious in pregnancy and things take on gigantic proportions, less would be better. There’s so many different aspects to worry about, it’s no good saying to people don’t worry about that and don’t worry about this, because you do feel worried and have anxieties.

Hollie McNIsh

Poet and mum Hollie McNish read her fantastic poem Banana Baby on the show.

To see Hollie McNish’s amazing poetry go to https://holliepoetry.com/

What to really expect when you’re expecting.

What to really expect when you’re expecting- The Baby Show Expert Sarah talks to Blackhair Magazine about the realities of pregnancy and motherhood.

Timing your feeds

Getting the right amount of nap time and milk during the day is part of the secret to a good night’s sleep. Let your baby have a maximum of four hours between feeds during the day.

Putting your baby down to sleep

Babies often wake when you put them down to sleep. Once they are asleep you could try using a large muslin or blanket like a hammock and gently lower them down into their cradle. There are some great products on the market for this.

Singing to your baby

Babies respond positively to calm and harmonious voices that they recognise from life in the womb. Your voice is familiar and relaxing and gentle tunes will make your little one feel safe and secure, helping them drift off into a peaceful sleep. Singing a lullaby or playing gentle music can really work wonders on some babies. You’ll soon learn what your baby likes to hear, and if you sang and played music a lot while you were pregnant it’s quite likely they’ll like those tunes best of all.

Soothing your baby to sleep

Stroking their forehead and temple of the back of the head. Some babies like gentle stroking to their head. This rhythmic motion and the warmth of your touch can be very soothing and help the get off to sleep.

About sarah

Sarah Beeson is a health visitor and author of Happy Baby, Happy Family. She writes with her daughter Mumpreneur and writer Amy Beeson. Sarah’s memoir of training to be a nurse in 1970s London The New Arrival is a heartwarming true story published by HarperCollins.

If you’ve got a question about your LO check out Ask Sarah or get in touch.

Why this generation of parents are the best ever #babyadvice

Parenthood in the Digital Age

Social media has changed how we see parenting. For some it is an opportunity to connect with other mums and dads, share stories and tips and have a laugh about the ups and downs of parenthood. For others it can be a constant blast of information, negative or upsetting stories, and the feeling that everyone is doing better than you.

You might see a lot of criticism of modern parenting styles and those who hark back to some golden age of childhood when being a good parent was so much easier when children were seen and not heard.

Check out my three questions to ask yourself about your parenting style at the end of this article.

Parenting is never going to be ‘easy’

Here’s the thing – being a good parent has never and will never be easy. Rewarding – yes, enjoyable – yes, but easy – no. Having a happy child doesn’t just happen by magic, it happens by you the parents creating a home for your Little One that is both loving and secure.

You are probably doing a hundred small things every day to give your child what they need both practically and emotionally without even realising it. There is no such person as perfect parent but there are millions of good ones.

Why today’s parents are so good

Quote from The New Arrival

After 36 years as a health visitor working with thousands of families I can honestly say that this is the best generation of parents I have ever seen. I’ve never known more mums and dads who are putting their children’s needs first and making them the centre of their world. Doing this isn’t spoiling children; it’s helping them to grow into confident and well-balanced members of society.

Previous generations loved their children but often didn’t say it. From Day One babies need to be told and shown how much they are adored with a stream of kind words, fun, hugs and kisses. For many this nurturing begins in pregnancy as mums-and-dads-to-be prepare and adjust their lives to welcome their new baby.

Unconditional love is the greatest gift – if every child had their emotional needs as well as their practical needs met think what a better place the world would be.

More parents work as a team

More and more couples work as a team, and for heterosexual couples there are more hands-on Dad’s than ever before. When both parents are commited to their child’s development and the everyday tasks of running a home, it’s a win-win for everyone involved.

Lily and her dad Luke

Luke Willcock, Dad to 14 month old Lily is committed to playing an active role as a dad and husband to Jillie.

“I wanted be the 21st Century father and husband my family deserved and it’s not the image of a father we grew up with. We do all our childcare between us.”

“My job has pressures, but when you get home you are truly needed, whether it’s rolling on the landing floor pretending to be a bear, picking up the 100th raisin from the carpet you hoovered not only an hour ago, or attempting to find the perfect shade of pink leggings to match that favourite bunny dress.”

“My wife and I are a team; the minimum you can do is make sure you child knows they are loved, they are safe and they can depend on you. It’s the hardest job you will love to do.”

One parent can be just as good as two

Single parents can meet their children’s needs just as well as couples but it is more demanding. As long as at least one carer is completely devoted to a child and gives them love and security there is no reason why they won’t grow to be a confident and caring adult.

My worry for parents doing it on their own is that it can be so tough to meet your own needs. When you don’t have a partner to talk things over with and have to make every decision on your own it can feel overwhelming, and having any time for yourself can seem like an impossible dream.

If you prioritise having some regular time to yourself you will be a calmer more giving parent for it (that goes for all mums actually). Having just 30 minutes to read or take a long bath are simple, free ways to rest your mind and put thoughts of caring, housework, money and work to one side for a little while.

Caring more can also mean greater anxiety

Today’s parents have so much on their plate – balancing work and home life in an economic climate where child care and living costs are soaring. It can be really tough and a big source of anxiety. Let me share a professional secret with you, good parents always worry they aren’t doing enough, that they made a mistake or got something wrong – do you think the small minority of parents who neglect their children do that? I’m sorry to say they don’t.

There is no exam that comes at the end of each of your baby’s milestones. Finding your own parenting style means mixing things up a bit and allowing flexibility into your daily life. Don’t ignore your gut, if it feels right then it usually is.

Have you noticed that with young children nothing stays the same for long? So concentrate on what matters to you and makes your baby and your family happy – be your authentic self, you don’t have to force your family to fit into a prescriptive method of childcare. (That’s quite a big ask I know, I don’t want it to be another stick to beat yourself with. Worry is normal and it only becomes a problem if it is stopping you enjoying daily life with your family).

Parents are some of society’s greatest unsung heroes

Working Mum Pippa Best

Pippa Best a working mum of two who runs Story of Mum a free community to let go of Bad Mummy guilt and boost confidence shared her take on parenting in the Digital Age.

“We try to be there for our kids whenever they need us, while enthusiastically demonstrating that they too can have it all – a happy family, a loving relationship, great friends, an exciting career, big dreams to chase after, precious me-time, enough sleep, and a tidy house.”

“And of course, it’s not actually possible to have all of that at once, so as well as feeling like we’ve probably made all the wrong choices, we’re left feeling guilty and inadequate because of all the stuff we haven’t done. And yet we still get up and try again – because a parents’ love is the ultimate motivator. Parents are some of society’s greatest unsung heroes.”

Three things to ask yourself about your parenting style

No one is PERFECT so in the words of Queen Elsa “Let it go” (our LO is all about Frozen right now).

You can’t control everything but you can you learn to trust yourself and enjoy your family time.

If you answered yes to every question you are a doing a great job.

If you answered no, I’d like you to ask yourself why that is? Can you make small changes to ensure you and those you love come first?

What do you think?

And one last thing – only someone who wanted to better understand the needs of children, whether or not you agree with me would take the time to read this. So just put those worries aside for a while, savour the moments and enjoy your Little One.

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By Sarah and Amy Beeson

After four decades as a health visitor Sarah Beeson MBE and her daughter Amy co-wrote The New Arrival, Sarah’s true story of life as a trainee nurse in 1970s London. Their follow up memoir She’s Arrived! and parenting book Happy Baby, Happy Family: Learning to trust yourself and enjoy your baby will be published by HarperCollins next year.