Is your baby scared of Santa? Or men with beards?

Former health visitor and author of Happy Baby, Happy Family Sarah Beeson MBE answers real mum’s questions in Mother & Baby.

My 16-month-old screams when he sees Santa – even a picture of him! He seems genuinely terrified. Any suggestions?

I don’t like clowns and many adults and children have a wariness around them so being afraid of Santa is similar. The beard and the big red suit, it’s understandable that from his perspective Santa is scary and we have to accept and respect that.

By not forcing the issue you’re letting him know it’s OK not to want to see Santa. It may feel a bit disappointing for you and other members of the family but your child needs to feel safe and happy. Play it cool for now and avoid bringing it up.

It may be you can explore Christmas themes in books that don’t have Santa in. To help build up anticipation and excitement get him an Nativity Advent Calendar to open, dress the tree together and make biscuits or paper chains. There’s so much other fun to be had. You can still hang a stocking and put out a sack just don’t go into too much explanation.

Do Christmas your way and let him discover Santa in his own time and ensure he doesn’t get teased about it by other children or adults. There’s no rush, you’ve got plenty of time.

Sarah Beeson’s MBE is a former health visitor and author of parenting guide Happy Baby, Happy Family and health visiting memoir Our Country Nurse published by HarperCollins available in paperback, eBook and audiobook.

How to Keep Your Baby Safe in the Sun

Sarah answers mum’s question in July issue of Mother & Baby.

Q: What are your top tips for looking after a newborn in hot weather? I don’t want to stay inside all the time but I worry about keeping her safe in the sun.

Protecting your baby from the effects of the sun is all about prevention. Babies under 6 months should be kept out of the heat of the day, especially between 10am to 4pm when the sun is at its hottest. In many hot countries most people avoid the middle of the day and have a siesta, it seems a very good idea to adopt this for hot summer months in the UK.

In very hot and sunny weather being indoors, with the doors and windows open to let in the breeze is a compromise that may work. If you need to be outdoors then 20 minutes is the recommended amount of time to be in direct sunlight and it’s best to stay in the shade whenever you can.

Protect your baby’s head, ears, cheeks and chin with a floppy sun hat. There are conflicting medical opinions about using sunscreen in babies under a year old. Now some paediatricians say if a baby needs to be out in the sun using a very little amount of SPF 30-50 as a sunblock for babies on exposed areas is better than risking exposure and possible damage. Use your own judgement based on the conditions that day and ask your GP or Health Visitors for further advice.

The most important thing in hot weather is never to cover the hood of your Little One’s buggy or pram with a sheet, blanket or muslin. Doing this creates a stifling hot airless vacuum that is dangerous and can quickly make your baby overheated and affect their breathing. Instead you can use a parasol for the buggy or a canopy for a pram that won’t enclose your baby and will provide shade.

Young babies may not show any signs of distress when overheated and can’t control their body temperature so checking that your baby is not hot to the touch throughout the day is a good habit.

Tips

Look for signs of dehydration, if your baby’s lips look dry with little vertical lines then this indicates dehydration so a feed is needed straight away
Stay in the shade. If you need to be outdoors try and stick to early morning and late afternoons
Cover baby’s skin using lightweight cottons that have a closely woven cloth when outdoors and a sun hat to protect the tops of ears, nose and cheeks and neck

Enjoying the summer months. Keeping your baby safe takes a bit of planning to prevent exposing them to the sun and heat.

Why do women have strange dreams during pregnancy?

Author Sarah Beeson author and former health visitor answers real mums questions in Mother & Baby.

Q: Since getting pregnant I’ve been having really vivid dreams and nightmares. Is this normal?

Sarah Beeson photo credit The Mango Lab

It’s not unusual to experience vivid dreams and nightmares in pregnancy so you are not alone. Put your mind at rest this is normal. Your dreams are no indication of what will happen in the future. They are your brain working through your thoughts and feelings.

Your dreams may be connected to your emotions around the big change in your life and your feelings about birth and having a new baby. It doesn’t mean you don’t want your baby and aren’t enjoying pregnancy or looking forward to when your Little One arrives.

Many women feel scared and sometimes overwhelmed about pregnancy, labour and giving birth and worry about what will happen. Your hormones are running riot, and that can increase sensitivity. Nature designs women to be more alert to potential dangers to yourself and your baby.

Sleep patterns often change during pregnancy and you may find you’re more wakeful and have broken sleep due to discomfort or needing to use the loo. This means you may be you waking up more frequently during the night, and as we remember the dreams we have just before awaking, pregnant women are more aware of their dreams.

If you’d like to reduce these dreams you could try:

1. Not watching TV or using devices just before bed so you’re mind isn’t overly stimulated
2. Trying to avoid watching upsetting stories on TV, or reading them in the news or on social media as you may be more sensitive than usual
3. Having a warm bath or shower and giving yourself a bit of pampering so you feel calm and relaxed at bedtime
4. Having a milky drink and a piece of toast or some cereal for a late supper to help induce more peaceful slumber
5. Not drinking caffeine drinks like tea, coffee and hot chocolate
6. Doing some relaxation, mediation, or listening to soothing music before you go to sleep

Women often find that the soothing music they listened to in pregnancy has a calming effect on their baby. So picking a favourite calming tune could have benefits now and in the future.

Don’t Feel Guilty About Getting Sleep

In today’s fast-paced world, there are people who consider it a badge of honor if they clock in only a few of hours of sleep at night. Fetal physiology expert Alice Callahan says that this mindset is anchored on the idea that sleep is wasted time, as the hours could have been used for other productive tasks. Parents, especially new ones, make up a significant portion of this category.

Fit Pregnancy reports that nearly half of parents with children six months and younger only get 1 to 3 hours of sleep per night, which is significantly lower than the minimum requirement for adults. Besides responding to their LO’s needs, mums and dads may use the time that they have to do other things, including household chores.

(Image credit: Flickr)

Albeit dedication to family is certainly admirable, the habit of sleeping less than 7 hours nightly can greatly compromise health. Over time, continued sleep deprivation can lead to serious issues like Postpartum Depression. Not getting proper rest can also affect your ability to focus and slow down response time, making you more prone to accidents. A sleep deprived person tends to be grumpier as well, and likely to give in to the effects of stress.

With that said, what can you do to sleep better as a new parent? Here are some suggestions which worked for a lot of parents:

Talk it out. The stresses of parenting make it harder for mums and dads to get some sleep. A previous post here on Sarah Beeson MBE praised parents who are honest about the challenges they are facing. Share your troubles and seek advice on best solutions for your family if you want to.
De-stress. If talk therapy isn’t for you, try to find some other avenues that can relieve your stress. For instance, you can try doing yoga, or at least simple breathing exercises that can calm your body and mind before bedtime.
Stop looking at the clock. Checking the clock often when trying to sleep might make you feel anxious. It can give you the impression that a lot of time already passed, but you still haven’t been able to sleep. This is especially true when you realise how late it is already.
Avoid having screen time before you go to bed. The light emitted by screens, whether from gadgets or TV, may also keep you up, as Leesa points out that it can cause your brain to maintain a state of alertness. In lieu of watching a show or using your phone, you can instead try doing a quiet activity, such as reading, which helps us to nod of calmly.
Be kind to yourself. Parents are not superheroes, and they are not expected to be. Be forgiving of yourself and learn to let go of things that are beyond your control. Also, don’t compare yourself to other parents who seem to thrive even with just a few hours of sleep. Each person is different, and what may work for them may not necessarily be the case for you. Parenting is tough enough without you beating yourself about it.

While this phase of your life seems daunting, take heart in the fact that your baby’s sleepless nights will end eventually. Until then, be kind to yourself and get some rest. Doing so will not only allow you to take care of your own needs, you will also be better equipped to take care of your LO.

(Image credits: Flickr)

How I can stop my two-year-old asking the same thing again and again? #parenting #toddler

Former health visitor and author of Happy Baby, Happy Family Sarah Beeson MBE answers real mums’ questions in Mother & Baby.

How I can stop my two-year-old asking the same thing again and again? She doesn’t stop even when I’ve given her the answer!

Congratulations on having a wonderfully curious child. Children love to ask for information but they also love to ask questions repeatedly as it feels familiar and secure like repeating a favourite nursery rhyme.

Your inquisitive toddler likes the security of you talking to her and having your attention. It can be a way of them starting up a conversation as they don’t realise it’s frustrating for adults to be repeatedly asked the same thing. So think of it as the interaction that counts rather than the imparting of knowledge.

To relieve the tedium you could vary the answers and if you’re feeling creative make up a game where you can discover more by going to the library or on a hunt.

Try not to show your natural feelings of frustration and praise your toddler by saying, ‘That’s an interesting question. What do you think?’ Putting the answering responsibility back to them.

Enjoy the chat as much as you can because right know your tot thinks you really do have all the answers. It’s an opportunity to see the world through their enquiring eyes.

What to NOT say to pregnant women in an antenatal class on BBC 5 Live #mumtobe

Listen on BBC Radio Player from 0:40:36 minutes.

Last week Author of Sarah Beeson MBE talked to Emma Barnett about pregnancy. This week her daughter and Co-Author Amy Beeson was interviewed for the show about her memories of antenatal classes and in particular how dads-to-be were in the classes.

Listen on BBC Radio Player from 0:40:36 minutes.

Interview Transcript

EMMA BARNETT: Over the next few week’s we’re looking at the different aspects of pregnancy…This week we’re shining a light on the partner of the person giving birth usually a man…Here’s Amy, describing her antenatal class.

AMY BEESON: I remember the most difficult thing was some of the men in the group were quite dominant. Some men were lovely and supportive and caring, some women didn’t have partners, they were there on their own or with a friend. But there were some women who had really overbearing husbands.

One woman’s husband got deeply into wanting to have a discussion about what the state of his wife’s vagina was going to be, and would there be cutting during the birth. He got really horrific and started recounting tales he’d heard from other men about this and actually made one women in the group cry. Me and another girl had to say to the midwife, ‘I really think you need to stop this. We’re supposed to be here to get helpful information for giving birth not scaring the life out of us.’ And, also, shouldn’t the focus be on us? She said ‘Well, it’s really important. He’s got his worries and his concerns.’ And yes does, but I think you have to choose the time and place.

And the time and the place was when they did separate us with women in one room and men in the other room. My husband told me all the men went, ‘I am so scared. I just don’t know what’s going to happen.’ ‘I need to get a promotion. I need to earn more money.’ Which I think would have been a good time to maybe ask those scary questions there.

All the women just moaned about their partners. Had a real laugh about it. Not that you don’t care about your partner, I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else there, other than my husband (I did have my mum, but she’s a health visitor so she was quite helpful). It was a chance to have a laugh and talk about the situation that you’re in when you’re very near to giving birth and you’re the size of a house and have to pee every five minutes. It was nice to have that sort of camaraderie.

Amy Beeson runs Wordsby Communications and has a successful writing partnership with her mum Sarah Beeson MBE. Their new book Our Country Nurse is set in a country village in 1975 and is bursting with stories of mums journeys during pregnancy and motherhood. They’re also written nursing memoir The New Arrival and first year parenting guide Happy Baby, Happy Family. Amy is currently writing her first solo novel set in Wartime Staffordshire while Sarah pens advice for new parents on baby sleep or the lack of it!