What to NOT say to pregnant women in an antenatal class on BBC 5 Live #mumtobe

Listen on BBC Radio Player from 0:40:36 minutes.

Last week Author of Sarah Beeson MBE talked to Emma Barnett about pregnancy. This week her daughter and Co-Author Amy Beeson was interviewed for the show about her memories of antenatal classes and in particular how dads-to-be were in the classes.

Listen on BBC Radio Player from 0:40:36 minutes.

Interview Transcript

EMMA BARNETT: Over the next few week’s we’re looking at the different aspects of pregnancy…This week we’re shining a light on the partner of the person giving birth usually a man…Here’s Amy, describing her antenatal class.

AMY BEESON: I remember the most difficult thing was some of the men in the group were quite dominant. Some men were lovely and supportive and caring, some women didn’t have partners, they were there on their own or with a friend. But there were some women who had really overbearing husbands.

One woman’s husband got deeply into wanting to have a discussion about what the state of his wife’s vagina was going to be, and would there be cutting during the birth. He got really horrific and started recounting tales he’d heard from other men about this and actually made one women in the group cry. Me and another girl had to say to the midwife, ‘I really think you need to stop this. We’re supposed to be here to get helpful information for giving birth not scaring the life out of us.’ And, also, shouldn’t the focus be on us? She said ‘Well, it’s really important. He’s got his worries and his concerns.’ And yes does, but I think you have to choose the time and place.

And the time and the place was when they did separate us with women in one room and men in the other room. My husband told me all the men went, ‘I am so scared. I just don’t know what’s going to happen.’ ‘I need to get a promotion. I need to earn more money.’ Which I think would have been a good time to maybe ask those scary questions there.

All the women just moaned about their partners. Had a real laugh about it. Not that you don’t care about your partner, I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else there, other than my husband (I did have my mum, but she’s a health visitor so she was quite helpful). It was a chance to have a laugh and talk about the situation that you’re in when you’re very near to giving birth and you’re the size of a house and have to pee every five minutes. It was nice to have that sort of camaraderie.

Photo credit © The Mango Lab

Amy Beeson runs Wordsby Communications and has a successful writing partnership with her mum Sarah Beeson MBE. Their new book Our Country Nurse is set in a country village in 1975 and is bursting with stories of mums journeys during pregnancy and motherhood. They’re also written nursing memoir The New Arrival and first year parenting guide Happy Baby, Happy Family. Amy is currently writing her first solo novel set in Wartime Staffordshire while Sarah pens advice for new parents on baby sleep or the lack of it!

Happy Baby, Happy Family in Gurgle’s Top 10 Best Pregnancy Books #mumtobe #newmum #pregnancy

Gurgle magazine round up the best books to guide you through your pregnancy and beyond and Happy Baby, Happy Family is at No. 1.

“Health Visitor Sarah Beeson condenses four decades of working wiht families into this extensive guide to trusting yourself and understanding your baby. ” Gurgle

Sarah Beeson’s MBE is a former health visitor and author of parenting guide Happy Baby, Happy Family and health visiting memoir Our Country Nurse published by HarperCollins available in paperback, eBook and audiobook.

What do pregnant women really want to talk about? #pregnancy #BBC5Live #mumtobe #EmmaBarnettShow #pregnancyproblems

Author Sarah Beeson MBE joins Presenter Emma Barnett and Poet Hollie McNish to talk sickness, sex and haemorrhoids – that’s right pregnancy on BBC Radio 5 Live. The frank, funny and sometimes sickening side of pregnancy.

Listen again to this light-hearted discussion of pregnancy with listener stories, poetry from Hollie McNish on the Emma Barnett Show on BBC Radio 5 Live from 44 minutes.

Perfect book for new parents

When health visitor Sarah Beeson’s pregnant daughter asked her to put pen to paper on caring for her new baby she didn’t know it would result into a parenting book full of secrets from four decades of working with families. The result was Happy Baby, Happy Family.

‘Best new pregnancy books… Extensive guide to trusting yourself and understanding your baby.’ Gurgle

‘Answers to key baby-raising questions while sensibly explaining that no one parenting style fits all. A great read to boost your new parent confidence.’ Prima Baby book of the month

Pregnancy Interview

Listen to Sarah from 51 minutes on BBC Radio 5 Live.

EMMA BARNETT: What do you think doesn’t get talked about Sarah in terms of physical and emotional aspect?

SARAH BEESON: I think there’s lots of things and we always go on about hormones, but actually, some of your speakers have brought that in and it’s so true. The hormones that are being released into your body in early pregnancy and all through pregnancy are responsible for a lot things; whether it’s raised libido in a very small percentage or feeling don’t touch me, don’t come near me in other people. There’s what doctors call minor illnesses or complications in pregnancy but they don’t feel very minor when you’ve got them. When you’ve got haemorrhoids or constipation, itching or restless legs. Back ache and pelvis pain that Hollie’s referred to is also a hormone thing where cartilage has soften a bit for an easier a birth but it can cause back ache and pelvic pain. Yes, there’s a lot of different variations on people’s pregnancies and you don’t really know what will affect you or have a say, which is really difficult.

EMMA BARNETT: You don’t see those posters Hollie was talking about that say you will get haemorrhoids, you will get itchy belly as it stretches – those sides aren’t advertised.

SARAH BEESON: No they’re not. Is it a conspiracy? Do people not want to put pregnant women off being pregnant?

HOLLIE MCNISH: You can’t sell anything if you put that.

EMMA BARNETT: You could sell haemorrhoid cream.

SARAH BEESON: Yes, haemorrhoid cream, constipation treatment.

EMMA BARNETT: I didn’t think it was going to go in this direction so quickly but I’m thrilled that it has. Sarah, do you feel there’s also a guilt for women saying I absolutely hate being pregnant?

SARAH BEESON: Society has this view doesn’t it? This wonderful glowing view of pregnancy and in reality if you’re being sick, it doesn’t feel so great. I remember being terribly sick myself. A great friend of mine came to my house and she was expecting her first. She knocked on the door and shouted to me to get a bag and was sick into it before we even said hello. She used all the bags in the car on the way and she needed quite a lot more. Nobody says to you get your sick bags ready, or think about putting your legs up. It wouldn’t be very encouraging! But, interestingly the lady who said she had a terrible time but now she’s thinking was it so terrible? Do I want another one? Again, nature takes over. There are two main urges in human being, which is the will to live and sex. Pregnancy has got that in abundance.

EMMA BARNETT: Talking about power of hormones. Sarah do you think enough is said about how you brain might feel?

SARAH BEESON: Probably not. I think what Hollie’s saying put it in a nutshell. You’re bombarded with all these ideas about what you should and shouldn’t do. And because many of us feel more anxious in pregnancy and things take on gigantic proportions, less would be better. There’s so many different aspects to worry about, it’s no good saying to people don’t worry about that and don’t worry about this, because you do feel worried and have anxieties.

Hollie McNIsh

Poet and mum Hollie McNish read her fantastic poem Banana Baby on the show.

To see Hollie McNish’s amazing poetry go to https://holliepoetry.com/

Who are you today, mummy?

Author and mum Amy Beeson shares her experiences of looking after a child over the summer holidays whilst launching a new book with workingmums.

After publishing three books with HarperCollins, running my own business and doing the school run I’ve learnt that women maybe multitaskers but focusing on what you want to achieve most of all each day and feeling fulfilled by small achievements is what success looks like for me. Book sales and client wins are fantastic but they’re intangible and can sometimes leave you feeling a bit flat. Focusing on putting on a great book event one day and then making pancakes with my daughter the next morning feels more real than striving for an end goal since I left the corporate world.

The corporate world is playing catch up; they talk about flexible working but we’re actually doing it.

I did find pregnancy and the return to work challenging because becoming a mum changed me. It changed my relationship with work. I love my job but I’ve got at least three full time jobs (I’m a mum, an author and business owner) but I can’t be all three at the same time, not in the way I want to. I ask myself who am I right now? Over the holidays I was a mum all of the time and an author most of the time, because our new book Our Country Nurse was published and my daughter was off school. There wasn’t much space for client work but that’s OK because most of my clients were away.

For me the biggest challenge is still trying to be present in what I’m doing. Not letting mummy guilt creep in whilst I’m writing and not thinking about emails when I’m with my daughter. And it never gets any easier, it’s never going to not be busy. What I’ve discovered over the last few years is that I need to take responsibility for feeling in control.

I’ve learnt so much by connecting with other mums about what works for them and I’ve discovered that being great at your job doesn’t mean you have to work all the time. I work best in bursts of about two hours – I can get a lot done in those two hours! Then it makes complete sense to go for quick walk, eat something nice, or do some yoga – that’s not slacking; it’s giving my mind and body some sustenance so when I come back to do another two hour burst of writing or client consultations I’m at my optimum.

When you’re in an corporate environment most of the time you have to follow someone else’s rules whether they work for you or not. I get to take a fresh look at each day and ask myself what I need to achieve and how best to set myself up to succeed. Flexible working enables you to pick the time and place that means you always do your best work.

My mum is probably the kindest colleague I’ll ever have. Whoever you work with be a kind boss to yourself.

Once my daughter’s in bed if I’m working towards something big I’ll do another few hours on the laptop but I don’t do that all the time because it’s not healthy. During the run up to Our Country Nurse coming out I was working till midnight and we’ve had lots of book events and PR to do.

My mum said to me, ‘Let’s enjoy this. Let’s not miss out the pleasure of seeing our book come out by letting all the thoughts of what we need to do spoilt it.’ Sarah is always the first person to tell me to not do too much. Sometimes that’s hard to hear because nothing just falls into your lap; it takes hard work, but you have to ask yourself would you expect the same of someone else? I might expect a colleague to do long hours when it was necessary but not very often, so I try not to expect more of myself than I would of others.

When I do have to work long hours I make a deal with myself that I can do this for a week but next week I’ll need to change things because otherwise I’ll burn out. Part of the joy of working for yourself is doing what fulfils you and that changes day by day. Most of all I want to feel happy, to me nowadays that is what success feels like.

Meet Author Sarah Beeson MBE at Newcastle Under Lyme Library this Thursday

free event at newcastle library on 29 September at 2pm

Author and former Staffordshire Health Visitor Sarah Beeson MBE will be giving a reading, taking questions and signing copies of her latest memoir Our Country Nurse at Newcastle Under Lyme Library at 2pm on Thur 29 September as part of their History Month.

Gill Heath, Staffordshire County Council’s Libraries Chief said:

“It’s great to welcome Sarah to Staffordshire’s libraries to meet some of her fans and to celebrate the launch of her new book.”

“It’s interesting to think that some of Sarah’s memoirs might well draw from some of her time as a nurse in Staffordshire. I’m sure we will see a good turn-out and I hope the county’s budding writers are inspired by her success and the talks.”

Newcastle Under Lyme Library, 30 Ironmarket Newcastle-under-Lyme Staffordshire ST5 1AT

Telephone 01782 297300

Come to Facebook Live Book Club on Thursday

Come to Book Club with Sarah Beeson MBE and Amy Beeson 8-9pm Thursday 22 September on Facebook Live.

Join us with a glass of wine or a mug of tea from the comfort of your own home for a little bit of book chat. We’ll be finding out what readers think of our new book Our Country Nurse and talking about what we’re reading in the Beeson Household this September.

TAKE PART

All you have to do is scoot on over to Facebook between 8-9pm to see what we’re up to. It’s a complete free-for-all and you don’t even have to leave your own sofa.

Tell us what you’re reading, give us some hot tips for books to read this autumn and share with us your thoughts on Our Country Nurse.

The books we’re reading at the moment include Mapp & Lucia by EF Benson, Scarlet Feather by Maeve Binchy, Arsenic for Tea by Robin Stevens, The Secret Wife by Gill Paul and the audiobook of Our Country Nurse.

See you later book worms.

Sarah and Amy x